me...no longer in the headlights.

i cussed A LOT on friday night.

i had a great day and was humming along to the radio on the long stretch of dark road between collins and laurel, when all of a sudden, a large shape moved into my lane just a little ahead of me. by the time i realized it was large deer staring blankly at me (i guess i didn't understand the truth of "deer in the headlights", because i wasted time subconsciously expecting it to move), it was too late to react rationally, and i don't remember everything that happened...but i do remember somehow violently swerving to the left. i told the policeman i was going 70 mph...since i really couldn't remember, i feel it was less a lie than a hopeful estimate. but, realistically, it was probably more like 90 mph. i immediately went into a talespin, flew over a ditch, taking out a pole, spinning down an embankment, and slamming finally into a cluster of trees. i don't remember what happened between the deer and me stopping, just flashes of dark scenery and resigning myself to dying. i may have said a quick prayer, i just don't remember. my side of the car got the brunt of the impact, and i came out of the wreck with a concussion and a bruised, scraped side. while i was sitting there, trying to orient myself and figure out what had just happened, flashing red lights were suddenly in front of me...on the road that seemed very far away now. i was surprised at the immediacy of Mississippi service, but really i should have just been amazed at Providence. there was an ambulance behind that saw me spinning out of control and flying off the road, and they came to my rescue...angels with accents, really. they called highway patrol for me, and stood chatting with me for the next half an hour. the couple whose yard i ended up in, came out to offer their services and talked for a little while. it was quite surreal. i stood there shivering, living in a strange world where i answered questions about my major, replayed the accident for everyone, and asked questions that felt really lame, like "so, paramedics, do you like your job?" i kept it together until dad got there, and then i cried a lot. the car is joshua's, and before i even thanked God for protecting me, i berated myself for crashing his car of all people's. i've never had a car at school, and he was sooo nice to let me borrow it while he is in Iraq. i've actually been depressed about it for the past few days....but he called today, and i got to tell him. he had a good attitude, and i am prepared to shell out a bunch of cash that i really can't spare, but i am more than willing to give up.

anyways, it was a loooooooonnng night. i've been sleeping a lot, my head still hurts, and my body is sore. now i don't have a car. and i am very thankful and encouraged.

i had just been reading in matthew on friday morning about not worrying. God knows. our job is to trust him and aim to glorify Him. that's it. how apropos is that for this very weekend? my reaction to this car wreck should also project onto the whole of my life. trust God, accept His will, await the reasons for the interruptions He brings, and live for Him. it's that simple.

who knew a stupid deer could bring such clarity?