sneaking discontent

even though i was scared to come back to belhaven, i drove up here feeling a strange sense of preparedness. i moved in friday night, and saturday was all-day training. it was actually really fun. i hugged people, talked of our different semesters, and had fun getting to know the people i hadn't met. we made training videos for the last half of the day...entertaining to say the least. i was the project manager for one, and i was laughing or had my eyebrows raised for most of the time. i felt content going to bed on saturday...went to church at redeemer the next morning. that's another thing that is strange this semester, it's kind of inevitable that i have to go many places alone. not my thing. anyways, i got there and sat by this really sweet lady on one side and a really awkward one on the other. it was great. afterwards, bekah, sarah-lo, and i went to lunch and just talked for a few hours. that is what i love. i LOVE craziness, but give me a cup of coffee, a little atmosphere, and a few people and i am contented to sit and talk into the wee hours. after that, i came back for duty and enjoyed getting to know my RA team a little better...after that, bekah and i went to wal-mart and then the jerusalem cafe. we got to talk about a lot of things that had been pent-up from this past semester. so THAT was slightly relieving. i came back and organized stuff in my quad before going over to tiffany's apartment to watch 24 with some peeps...i came back around 2:00 am. wow, now that i write it all down, it does sounds like i've had a gravy time. but for some reason, monday, i just had the sneaking feeling tightening around my heart of inadequacy and discontent. why??! i'm tired of it. NO MORE.

it can begin with a comment, a look, a query....i thought i had tougher skin than this!

a little bit of it may be my sad state of friendlessness. of course, that is a drastic use of hyperbole, but, at the moment, that's how i feel. there's been problems in my absence that i won't even deign to mention here, but, as a result, i may have lost a few friends. whatev. it's affecting me strangely, but it's also helping me to realize that there are millions of other people in the world. i love making friends with different groups of people, but i'm slowly beginning to understand how many of those relationships are often nominal, even unbeknownst to us. i'm tired of surface stuff. i'm one of those people that desperately needs to have a few good friends...even a lot. and i do. but i want more. how selfish is that?

i feel rather incomplete at the moment.

but wait, i am complete in God...what right do i have to be discouraged?? especially over something so very, very far from my dear Truth.