i'm not on drugs. but i feel high. and not in a good way.

NEVER begin your day with Waiting for Godot. This is a very important piece of advice.

Because that is exactly what I did on Thursday morning, and ever since then life has been, well...rather strange and dissatisfying. It's a play that we watched in my HUM 401 class, and at the end, when Dr. Kenyon turned on the lights, we all stared blankly at each other and tried to make sense of it. The premise is basically that life is an endless cycle of us trying to create meaning and failing miserably because, in the end, we are waiting for nothing. Depressing, eh? Of course, I disagree wholeheartedly, but at 8:00 in the morning when you are getting sick and you didn't sleep well the night before...it doesn't bode well for the rest of the day.

The rest of the day was actually quite normal to the naked eye...classes, meetings, and hanging out with people.

But my soul hurt. And suddenly, the good attitude and optimism that I've enjoyed this semester left me. I began realizing how much has actually been going wrong. A car wreck. Constant sickness. Oral surgery. The stupid stock market causing me lose a few a grand right when I desperately need money the most. The political situation falling apart just as I try to get in. Having to turn down a job because I don't have a car as a result of the wreck. Being overwhelmed by all of the applications and paperwork that I have to do if I want to try to get a life after college. Being forced to be a relationship guru when I am seriously unqualified. The fact that people are not happy all of the time no matter how much I wish it. The fact that people...friends...can be so stupid.

...to name a few.

I hadn't been phased by any of these things until yesterday, but now I'm back at an emotional square one.

So much has been going right, though...it's really unfair that I can't focus on those things instead. I feel totally apathetic. But it's more of an inner thing, since I am going door-to-door tomorrow campaigning for a candidate for Congress. I'm doing something productive, I suppose...

I've been reading in the book of James lately, which has been seriously encouraging. I DEFINITELY should go do that now.