"a good year"...starring elyse marcellino

this past year has been the hardest of my life...hands down. i've felt homeless and rather helpless the entire year, rushing from one event to the next. i feel as if i forgot to breathe for 365 days. but it has contained trials and joys that God saw fit to give me in His perfect time. from belhaven, to california, to china, to laurel, to oxford, and back again, God has been with me every step of the way. from our move, to mom's surgery, to joshua's deployment, and everything inbetween, He has taught me to rely upon Him like i hadn't known how to before. now i see. i have been surrounded by "shouts of deliverance" (Psalm 32) for the entire journey, whether i heard them or not.

of course, now, i am making the obligatory new year's resolutions: get in shape and....yeah, mainly just get in shape. but i am determine to have a rich year, a happy year, a full year....a GOOD year. i desire to deepen relationships, renew my mind, walk like Christ, enter full-force into my passions, understand more. i WILL study God's Word. i WILL read a book of my choosing each week. i WILL discuss life every time i can. i WILL enjoy my music. i WILL try new things. i WILL be kind. i WILL be all things to all people. i WILL be intentional. i WILL see the world in a brighter, better light.

i look forward to the inevitable tribulation of 2008 with an understanding that i couldn't have grasped last new year's. this year promises much stretching and uncomfortableness: possibly tumultuous last semester, graduation, unknown summer plans, possibility of moving to washington in the fall. all hard, but good and necessary things.

He has given me a "hope and a future." I rest in that, and that alone.

goodbye 2007, and helloooooooo 2008.

what's up??

no sleeping in for me...my first morning back (after getting in around midnight) everyone brought me breakfast in bed around 8:30 and it was all downhill after that.

my room is a wreck. with a life like mine what is the use of ever unpacking? but...mom's word is law. and so i am in the middle of that ridiculously long and boring process...

i'm beating everyone in foosball.

cassie and i went upstairs and attacked my little brothers the other night.

i'm having intellectual conversations with my parents. yay.

i'm preparing myself for a week and a half straight of a full house: much loved, but awkward and draining extended family.

i'm renewing relationships.

so someone asked me when i would graduate yesterday, i said, "oh, may. pretty soon, huh?" after telling me about her extensive career plan, she nonchalantly asked me if i had a job lined up. while i must say i gave a conveniently suave, ambiguous answer, i almost choked on my coffee. JOB?? who knew i had to get one of those??!

mom is sick (sadness), and so i have had to fill her shoes a few times. one of those times was last night, directing the children's choir for the Christmas program...little demons:). i wanted to laugh and wring necks all at the same time.

cassie and i went to the wellness center today to start working out and were shown around by "robert"...he was about to show us how to use this one glutes machine, but the little old man on it looked so awkward i had to laugh. we skipped that one.

normally, i long for adventures...but right now, i am weary. and these sorts of adventures are just fine with me.

hello and goodbye

mmmmmmmm...HOME. such a lovely word, and such a lovely place. i never fail to realize how much it means to me until i finally return to it. this time doubly so. i've been gone for most of this year, and in the meantime, my family has been diligently moving into our very own mansion. i've been exploring:)...it's so nice to laugh and feel comfortable and be myself all at one time.

but i do miss oxford. i miss the camaraderie i found there...i miss the breathtaking beauty: the inspiration i found in every ray of sunlight bouncing off those dear dreaming spires. it was surreal.

i always try to prepare myself to transition from one world to the next and discuss worriedly with other people the difficulties of reconciling worlds. but honestly, i have never experienced culture shock or had trouble moving on. it is necessary, so i do it. i adapt to new (or old) situations rather seamlessly...which is interesting, because i am the type of person that hates to let go of an experience. maybe i have found out how to have the best of both worlds? who knows.

i like hugging everyone and being welcomed back. this is my life too.

Oh Time, Time, wherefore art thou?

i think i shall move to a lovely chateau in France and tend a vineyard for the rest of my life.

right now, i desperately crave the simple joys of life, and that sounds like the ticket. i want to feel the sun, read a good book, sketch a landscape, squish the dirt beneath my toes, laugh and talk, sleep, experiment, write, explore, and (most of all) dream for as long as i want. there is more to finding pleasure in life than subjecting oneself to schedules and appointments...all in the name of truly living. i want to experience life. can that happen while i frantically scan books and type out essentially unoriginal words? i have a burning desire for more that makes me quite breathless in anticipation of what will come next. sometimes, it flickers out, buried under the banalities of human existence. and, although it makes me restless, i feel a sense of calm and joy when it returns...inspired once more by a word, a thought, an experience. contentment is complacency. that is not something that i...that WE are made for. the future is a dire prospect without this inexplicable sense of longing. i'm reaching, reaching, reaching...and i'm sure i will be until i finally see heaven.

it's funny...i just realized that all of the things i'm longing for can be summed up in a word: Time. the thing that puts a name to our limitations is the thing that we need the most.

knowing

there is something about walking unfamiliar streets that is liberating. no one is watching to tell your parents what you've been up to lately. no one cares if you're holding a book and a backpack or a drink and a cigarette. you're one of the many, and the "many" are all sizes, colors, categories, backgrounds, occupations, problems, hopes...every possible combination of person bustles around in coats and scarves. and it works. sometimes, it is nice to blend right in to the setting, to not be bothered with the responsibilities of everyday familiarity.

but then it is a wonderful thing to be known, and, in the end, anonymity is no comparison. yes, i do believe i am ready to go home.

Herodotus and Thucydides are calling my name...but Sleep calls MUCH louder. and so i shall go...

highs and lows

i adore: shunning long essays for 4:00 am conversations about post-modernism and absolute truth, while standing in the kitchen over a piping hot apple crisp that came about as a result of resourcefulness and a bit of friendly thievery.

i detest: being put in a box. it's unfair, and i do that enough myself as it is.

so there.

God Rest Ye Merry Peoples

I Christmas-shopped like a professional today. It was pouring rain (of course), and Alyssa and I rushed around under a tiny umbrella finding presents that I still don't know how I'm going to get back to America. Then I had to cook dinner for my food group: beef stroganoff, green beans, and apple crisp...mmmmmmm. I did good. And I just did random things for the rest of the day.

Tomorrow is our last day at Magdalen Road Church. Everyone there has been sooo sweet. Mine and Miriam's home group met for the last time last Tuesday, and they gave us a "send-off" with cake and many prayers and a splendid card and present. I was so touched that I almost cried during their kind prayers. It's is an overwhelming thing to know that a little group of elderly people halfway across the world knows who you are, wants to know what's going on in your life, and prays for you often. I have been truly blessed by Paul, Jackie, Tony, Margaret, Edith, Christine, Myra, Peter, Jean, Karen, and Colin. The church around the world is such an exciting thing to see!! It makes the kingdom of God so much more real.

Suddenly, I'm a little scared about next semester. Reunions are lovely, but I haven't seen these people in months. So many things have happened and new friends have been made...and we've been (seemingly) worlds away. I left all of my uninteresting classes for my last semester like an idiot, so, rather than be totally bored, I am going to make sure that school isn't about classes! I'm going to focus on relationships and meeting personal goals, some of which are to read a book a week, work out regularly, and actually practice voice. So, in that sense, I'm excited=).

I should go to bed.