no more half-filled journals

life is good.

i am sitting in a coffee shop in Oxford, England, at the moment, a stack of books nearby...their closeness coupled with the general air of academia surrounding this city makes me feel as if i am getting work done. i guess that's all that matters:).

i feel awful. my head pounds, my body aches, my throat is scratchy...but it is a satisfying sort of pain. it is pain that comes from playing a fairly successful football match, from staying up all night writing two scintillating essays, from rushing around in crisp, cool air, from trying my hand at the novelty of rowing, from entering into many conversations about life and its mysteries, from making time to fellowship with the body of Christ, from determining to stop worrying about things blissfully out of my control, from living. when put into perspective, pain becomes joy.

i am so happy to be here, studying at Oxford for my second to last semester of college. sure, some days that feeling spirals downwards, but, in essence, i am happy because i know this is the only place i can and should be. whenever i begin to feel that i have a stupid existence, i am amazed to look back and see all that i have had the privilege to experience...and then to look ahead to the hopes and plans that i enjoy. no matter the present struggles, it is a beautiful thing to know that i will always have something to look forward to, whether i'm 20 (almost 21 ahhh!) or 100. thank you, Lord.

sometimes, when i walk home in the evening, trudging through the swirling yellow leaves, i am simply overwhelmed. beauty is everywhere. it hurts to see it so raw and unashamed, especially in a blessed glimpse that only comes to us every once in a while. i love to be alone, and bask in beauty's glow. but then, i am always excited to get back to people, because, despite what someone said to me in a recent conversation, we ARE relational beings. created in God's image, we are made to enter into the fellowship of other human beings - their joy and sorrow and ponderings. that should be our jumping-off point: life should move in deference to that fact...people: this is a reminder to self.

well, i'll continue my surreal journey here by attending practice for Handel's Messah in the hall of University College tonight...and then later...ah, yes: more procrastination.