"the valley of the shadow of life"

a few minutes ago, i was frustrated. alicia and i have been planning (and when i say "planning," i mean nothing of the sort) an adventure to oregon to see ashly. we were supposed to begin the roadtrip - wind in our hair and all that - early this morning. which turned into tomorrow morning. which, as of a few minutes ago, turned into monday morning. *sigh* despite all of the excitement, her horse decided to contract something akin to the west nile virus. i should probably sound sympathetic right now.

*insert sympathetic comment*

anyways, this whole ordeal has efficiently dampened my spirits and caused my hope of us ever getting on the road to slowly slip away...did i mention i already bought a one-way, non-refundable plane ticket back from oregon? i am annoyed. but i texted bekah a bit ago to get my frustration off of my chest, and she told me that she was sorry...she's frustrated as well since she and her family are at a dude ranch for the weekend and they can't watch the olympics.

and then it struck me...and i couldn't help but laugh.

are we really going to writhe in consternation over the problems afforded us by things that were luxuries in the first place? i suppose i finally realize how spoiled i am. we huff and puff over the smallest bumps in the road as if they were the most colossal obstacles we have faced yet. we forget thankfulness...how grateful should i be that i could even plan a trip out west at all? forgive me, Lord, for being angry when my plans go awry. i am ridiculous, but, if it is your WILL, i would be happy to be off to oregon soon(ish).

what a coincidence that our last girls' bible study was on just that: learning to have patience and trust God amidst all of our pretentious plan-making. the lesson of the week, i'd say. speaking of which, i am so glad God put it on my heart to start a bible study this summer. it has been such an encouragement. i've loved pulling things together, choosing topics, praying and fellowshipping and teaching...i've had to embrace my "college graduate" status this summer, but doing it by leading and striving to be an example to younger girls isn't such a bad start. we've hit on contentment attained through godliness, setting practical goals for the christian life, only adhering to one standard: holiness, evangelizing as a way of life, and the last i already mentioned that is being reiterated to me this week. the theme of sanctification and Romans 12:9-21 have consistently popped up throughout the study. i have been inspired to live a life more fully-conscious of my calling as a Christ-follower.

in other news, julia is home! i love that girl. she is one of the few people in my life with whom i can have intellectual conversations for hours...and, oh, we do. she encouraged me to read The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis. So i did one morning this week, and that is what one of our long conversations consisted of. it is about the separation of heaven and hell...and there is endless material for discussion. my favorite line from the book is, "water is for thirst; inquiry for truth." i am constantly faced with how to engage the culture in which we live, especially as i leave for the john jay institute this month. i've had several conversations with people lately about how to go about being christians in the public square, and that quotation summarizes what the unwavering focus of our stance must be. this is a relativistic generation, but i cannot be bullied into thinking the way that they do. i have truth, or at least i know it is attainable. sooooo much more to say about that subject, but i shall leave it for a rainy day.

julia and i, walked sheepishly into a local liquor store yesterday to acquire some rum for our favorite drink: rum and coke!! we then drove to the cemetery and sat by the lake in the first minutes of a huge thunderstorm. one of my favorite memories ever.

today, i got up early to go with dad to the library. we joined in on mission mississippi's racial reconciliation forum, and, although i was a little cynical at first, i really, really enjoyed it. we split up into several groups and discussed (and yes, i participated!) in addressing the issues facing race today. a lot of good points came up, and i understood, for perhaps the first time, a little better the situation in america today. i like this sort of thing, and it makes me more excited to become a part of the political scene myself.

then i had to run downstairs to pay my most recently acquired library fine: $26.35.

ouch.

quoth the raven, "nevermore"

i wish i was going back to school tomorrow.

this is the first year i actually feel ready to resume another semester along with all of its relationships and drama...and this is the first year i just can't. that's why getting a diploma is such a bittersweet thing.

after graduating, i felt really sad to leave Belhaven behind, but, after a few weeks, i was easily distracted. this summer has been absolutely beautiful. it wasn't hard to forget i wasn't a college student anymore when i had plenty of reading, song-writing, roadtripping, mischief-making things to do. but now, i suddenly feel it.

hmmm...wanting something when you can't have it...like that's a new one.