so long, federalism

today was a day to remember. i'll tell my children's children that i was there when history was made, that i was one of the 1.4 million people who went to see the first black president sworn in.

my roommate and i got up at an ungodly hour this morning and proceeded to join the masses, willingly being pulled along by the current flowing towards the National Mall. these past few days (i also went through a similar experience to attend the customary concert at the Lincoln Memorial) have been a time to bond with Americans...to sing along together of the old days and look forward together towards the new. i have been encouraged, proud, disappointed, and angry. this weekend was emotional, to say the least. i felt obligated to be a part of the inaugural goings-on simply because of my proximity and the inherent importance of the event. the concert was fun, and i've learned that the crowds are first American, and secondly for a particular party or viewpoint.

and today, as i stood, cold and uncomfortable, waiting for the ceremony to begin, it was no different. vanessa and i chatted with the strangers around us as we swayed back and forth to keep our limbs from becoming stiff. the excitement in the air was tangible, and the announcer began to call out the names and groups of important people entering the scene from the capitol...representatives, senators, former presidents and vice presidents...i didn't cheer along with the liberals around me for jimmy carter or ted kennedy, but then again, i certainly didn't act disrespectfully towards them. in not clapping or cheering, but simply standing and acknowledging, i am showing honor the institution that these people represent and honoring their service in that capacity. i thought the rest of the crowd could do the same, but, once again, republicans show much more integrity in general. when president bush walked out there was an audible booing (at which point, i glared at everyone around me and made a few shocked comments), and vice president cheney was scorned quite thoroughly. i was appalled and disheartened.

but even despite all of that, it was surreal to watch the inaugural process, the transfer of power in the most influential and prosperous nation in modern times. to be a part of it, even just as a spectator (but really, never JUST as that, for we participate in the true, democratic sense), is exhilarating. i closed my eyes and listened to the gorgeous notes of an arrangement of "air and simple gifts" drift out over the mall (yo-yo ma and itzhak perlman!) and danced a little to aretha franklin belting out "my country tis of thee." rick warren, somewhat surprisingly, gave a very Christian prayer, calling out to Jesus, Yeshua, "the Lord our God, the Lord is one." he gave all up for God's glory, and ended with a sober acknowledgment of the inevitability of nations to answer to the Almighty in the final day. and, in a crowd that moments before gave a hateful reception to the leaving president (a crowd, which i can guarantee for the most part, would have given vague and inarticulate answers for why they acted this way if asked), i heard "amen's" and "yes, lord's"...indeed, this is a nation where theistic is still employable, even though it is not fully understood.

i was overcome, at that moment, for my nation. and as i had the last few glimpses of president bush before obama's swearing-in and stretched to see the capitol in all of its decorated glory, tears sprang to my eyes. God gave us an integral, principled, hard-working leader for such a time as these last eight, tumultuous years. he was a beacon of resolve when we were a ship without a light, and i believe his faith made him able for the hardships of his presidency. i haven't agreed with all of his decisions, but i am thankful that he strived to do everything that he truly believed was right. there will always be a special place in my heart for him, because the 2000 election was when i first felt a sort of calling to the political sphere and became involved in a campaign i could believe in. i still remember the night julia and i waited with bated breath for the election results, praying and hoping for his ascendency to such a high office. he's been my president through high school and college - truly formative years - and am thankful...there really are no more words.

c.s. lewis wrote that, forgive my sad attempt at paraphrasing, when the good is something to be invented, then we ask for leaders who are creative, who are visionaries. but when the good is known and understood, then we ask for leaders who are virtuous and diligent.

i believe president bush has been the latter kind, and that, in this relativistic age, we have received what we deserve in the visionary barack obama.

as a young conservative, i am yet inspired. this is what america is all about, however distorted we have made some of her privileges...this raw sort of fight for freedom, amongst a people who are already free. we are allowed a struggle only because of the foundations that hold us up. i want to enter this scene, this truly exceptional scene in which i may uphold a centuries-old tradition that is devoted to what is natural to the human spirit by speaking, by writing, by participating.

i want to be a journalist, a speechwriter, a politician, a hard worker, an enjoyer of this dream, always an American. i want to use what i know to appeal to our leadership and steer us back onto a more true trajectory. but, thank God, i have in mind the whole of our existence and the life of the world and this precariously-balanced common grace that preserves us in order to glorify our Creator. that informs my approach, and i want to influence culture so that it may inform other hearts and minds...those that will be the leaders of the future.

at the commissioning ceremony of the john jay institute, as i was kneeling with the other fellows and the congregation sang all around us, father crippen chuckled and whispered to those of us nearest him: "feel that weight? it's the weight of glory." oh how i felt it. and i have felt it ever since. may this burden so heavy on my back never become a nuisance that i wish to ignore, but rather something that constantly inspires me (and my fellow Americans) to be true to the unique calling of a nation such as ours.

federalism may be disappearing, but, in America, change (to coin obama's one-word campaign) is always possible.

the rockies make me think

why? why can't i be an honest intellectual, an accomplished musician, an eloquent rhetorician, a talented athlete and a person generally worth knowing all at the same time? sometimes, in blissful (and forced) ignorance, i actually think i am.

and then God wisely allows reality to hit me with full force in the forms of individuals who actually manifest such brilliance.

i realize how tiny and significant i am. i do, i do, i do.

however, i am "perplexed, but not driven to despair."

There is a reason for my existence and the places and situations in which I exist. And this I know.

As unprepared for what faces me and will face me as I am, I am confident. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." No matter how many picture frames and cheesy quote books contain those words, they are still Truth.

"the valley of the shadow of life"

a few minutes ago, i was frustrated. alicia and i have been planning (and when i say "planning," i mean nothing of the sort) an adventure to oregon to see ashly. we were supposed to begin the roadtrip - wind in our hair and all that - early this morning. which turned into tomorrow morning. which, as of a few minutes ago, turned into monday morning. *sigh* despite all of the excitement, her horse decided to contract something akin to the west nile virus. i should probably sound sympathetic right now.

*insert sympathetic comment*

anyways, this whole ordeal has efficiently dampened my spirits and caused my hope of us ever getting on the road to slowly slip away...did i mention i already bought a one-way, non-refundable plane ticket back from oregon? i am annoyed. but i texted bekah a bit ago to get my frustration off of my chest, and she told me that she was sorry...she's frustrated as well since she and her family are at a dude ranch for the weekend and they can't watch the olympics.

and then it struck me...and i couldn't help but laugh.

are we really going to writhe in consternation over the problems afforded us by things that were luxuries in the first place? i suppose i finally realize how spoiled i am. we huff and puff over the smallest bumps in the road as if they were the most colossal obstacles we have faced yet. we forget thankfulness...how grateful should i be that i could even plan a trip out west at all? forgive me, Lord, for being angry when my plans go awry. i am ridiculous, but, if it is your WILL, i would be happy to be off to oregon soon(ish).

what a coincidence that our last girls' bible study was on just that: learning to have patience and trust God amidst all of our pretentious plan-making. the lesson of the week, i'd say. speaking of which, i am so glad God put it on my heart to start a bible study this summer. it has been such an encouragement. i've loved pulling things together, choosing topics, praying and fellowshipping and teaching...i've had to embrace my "college graduate" status this summer, but doing it by leading and striving to be an example to younger girls isn't such a bad start. we've hit on contentment attained through godliness, setting practical goals for the christian life, only adhering to one standard: holiness, evangelizing as a way of life, and the last i already mentioned that is being reiterated to me this week. the theme of sanctification and Romans 12:9-21 have consistently popped up throughout the study. i have been inspired to live a life more fully-conscious of my calling as a Christ-follower.

in other news, julia is home! i love that girl. she is one of the few people in my life with whom i can have intellectual conversations for hours...and, oh, we do. she encouraged me to read The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis. So i did one morning this week, and that is what one of our long conversations consisted of. it is about the separation of heaven and hell...and there is endless material for discussion. my favorite line from the book is, "water is for thirst; inquiry for truth." i am constantly faced with how to engage the culture in which we live, especially as i leave for the john jay institute this month. i've had several conversations with people lately about how to go about being christians in the public square, and that quotation summarizes what the unwavering focus of our stance must be. this is a relativistic generation, but i cannot be bullied into thinking the way that they do. i have truth, or at least i know it is attainable. sooooo much more to say about that subject, but i shall leave it for a rainy day.

julia and i, walked sheepishly into a local liquor store yesterday to acquire some rum for our favorite drink: rum and coke!! we then drove to the cemetery and sat by the lake in the first minutes of a huge thunderstorm. one of my favorite memories ever.

today, i got up early to go with dad to the library. we joined in on mission mississippi's racial reconciliation forum, and, although i was a little cynical at first, i really, really enjoyed it. we split up into several groups and discussed (and yes, i participated!) in addressing the issues facing race today. a lot of good points came up, and i understood, for perhaps the first time, a little better the situation in america today. i like this sort of thing, and it makes me more excited to become a part of the political scene myself.

then i had to run downstairs to pay my most recently acquired library fine: $26.35.

ouch.

quoth the raven, "nevermore"

i wish i was going back to school tomorrow.

this is the first year i actually feel ready to resume another semester along with all of its relationships and drama...and this is the first year i just can't. that's why getting a diploma is such a bittersweet thing.

after graduating, i felt really sad to leave Belhaven behind, but, after a few weeks, i was easily distracted. this summer has been absolutely beautiful. it wasn't hard to forget i wasn't a college student anymore when i had plenty of reading, song-writing, roadtripping, mischief-making things to do. but now, i suddenly feel it.

hmmm...wanting something when you can't have it...like that's a new one.

elyse wept.

my heart literally ACHES from missing people and moments. and it's not one or the other...the two are intertwined. i need to write a song about it, but i can't help feeling like that won't do this pain justice.

a few landrie-inspired thoughts

"I would have despaired, unless I had known that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." Psalm 27:13

last week, i had a heightened sense of purpose. don't think that means i went around performing great deeds and making life-altering choices. i did, however, burst out with a "damn!" or "shit!" (forgive my lack of eloquence, but the sheer unattainable quality of the ephiphanies i was having required it) in random moments when i was alone. put simply, i was almost able to grasp the gravity of the christian life...the simplicity versus complexity and the determination needed to embrace it. it's not that i was seeing how to go about my calling. i was just beginning to understand in general, to glimpse the shattering truth of the paradoxes we must accept. i think i've been forced back into my finite shelter for now (it's much too agitating to be in my previous state for very long), but i am better for God making the glass a little less dim every once in while. we need those times to refocus us and remind us of our finitude.

today i played tennis with cassie and my little brothers, ran two miles, worked out, read, cooked dinner, and now find myself with a headache. the simple life is apparently tiring. oh great, another paradox. anyways, mom is gone with johnson to a competition in atlanta, and i am left playing mother to everyone. i certainly respect mom a lot more, and realize that this position is less repulsive than i thought before. although, i would probably kick a few kids out of the bargain...seven may be "heaven" as dad likes to say, but i think a smaller number is probably more manageable. just a thought.

we just got back from a two and a half week roadtrip around the MidWest. we hit quite a few states that i hadn't been to before (my official number is now 38. woohooo!) and enjoyed some really gorgeous scenery: the Badlands, Mt. Rushmore, Yellowstone National Park, the Grand Tetons, a ranch, and good ol' Eureka Springs, Arkansas. loverly.

this summer i'm preparing to join the John Jay Institute, a political fellowship, for the next year. in the fall, i'll be in Colorado Springs, and in the spring...who knows? i'm ridiculously intimidated by the eleven other people who will be walking on coals with me (they sound perfectly brilliant), but i am also eagerly and prayerfully awaiting what God has in store. the first part is an intensive time of hashing out political principles and defining our leadership qualities, and the second part will be putting those things to work in an internship. i'll most likely be in washington d.c., but i COULD be in another country...sooo i'm keeping my fingers crossed.

i may not even have enough money to buy my first car, but i have big plans to pick bekah up in romania next summer and backpack around europe. it's a lot harder to make haphazard plans when you are a grown-up who is supposed to have a job...but i manage. i miss traveling so much, and the only way i'll make it for the next year is to have that to look forward to, so raise your glass to blissful expectations.

as for the next few months, i am content to visit and expect visits from friends. also, i'm playing a little piano, hoping to re-pick up guitar, reading a lot, exercising, writing for the ReView, working (a little) at Audubon Press, planning to volunteer next week at the Crisis Pregnancy Center, getting together a girls' bible study, and gathering materials to begin a big scary movie shoot next week. yesss, i'm growing up.

but VERY slowly...=)

parting is such (sweet) sorrow.

i'm not one of those seniors that is counting down the days via the markerboard on my dorm room door. i savor experiences with all my might, and college is one of those times in people's lives that is totally and completely surreal...you are only responsible for yourself, hanging out is pretty much a full-time job, and life is nicely packaged into a four-year plan of fun, learning, and trying new things.

and then the real world happens.

why rush it? i am perfectly content, knowing that i have a almost another month before this bubble of an experience is popped. i will miss all of these people, from my best friends to my buddies to my acquaintances to those people whom i catch a glimpse of every once in a while. i'm going to miss being surrounded by groups of peers who are taking time to enjoy life because they can. i'm going to miss long conversations about nothing...and everything. i'm going to miss the kind of people i can kiss frogs and climb trees in lightning with. i'm going to miss having an excuse to be cheap, look crappy, and be as rad as i want to be.

i know, i know...it's time. but i refuse to admit that fully until May 10.